Mama-Overload

I’ve rediscovered my deck.

This summer, I’ve kind of been hating my house because I’ve been so lazy with housework. ┬áIt’s my own fault. It’s not the house. I’ve started painting and left the project mid-paint but that’s not even the problem. The problem is I’ve let my discipline levels drown with the wind. So, laundry, dishes, and general clutter all pile up and it all seems hopeless.

The deck, though, is an escape and it is easy to tidy up. Just a general sweep and a cleaning of the tables and I’m good to go. Up with the umbrella on the table, and here I am with my trusty notebook, laptop, phone, and water or coffee or sometimes, both. I’m trying to spend at least an hour every morning out here.

I thought I was getting depressed again. I’ve been snippy with the kids and I’ve slept a lot. But then, I realized yesterday after my mom came to pick the boys up and keep them for three and a half days….I’m not depressed, I’m in mama-overload. I’ve needed space to do what I want and not be responsible for anybody else for a while. Until Sunday, I get that blessed space. Excellent timing.

I even feel like cleaning and clearing out the house so I can move onto better projects. I feel like re-establishing some discipline.

Life is good. I just needed to lean on my village a little bit.

The Project: Day Whatever

I grew this flower from seeds. I did nothing to help it along. Thankfully, though, we’ve gotten tons of rain. This is the first bloom of the plant, which is growing in a pot on our front steps.

The Project: Day One

Abby is one of my favorite subjects. I like the way the light reflects in her eyes in this photo. Black and white photography speaks to me. I like the lines of the photo without all the distraction of color. Color photos can be so loud to my brain sometimes. Black and white doesn’t equal depressed to me. It equals simplification.

I struggle to talk about my pictures. I’ve long thought that my photos should stand alone and I shouldn’t have to write about them. I’m coming to see that that might be bullsh*t. I might be coming around to the fact that it is okay to express myself about my work. The issue isn’t that I don’t have thoughts about my pictures…the issue is a larger one having to do with self-censorship of self-expression. I’ve got to work through this.

It’s time for a personal project. I’ve decided to limit the disposable photos I take. My normal workflow for personal work includes culling down to the bare minimum of a few “good” photos, and deleting the rest. No more of that. Now that I have a workflow that doesn’t take up the hard drive on my computer, I’m going to keep most everything. Not raws, jpegs are sufficient for this project. I’m also not going to waste time editing them. The reality is that with my camera I am happy enough with my photos straight out of the camera 99% of the time for personal purposes. This is also meant to be more of a documentary project.

All the photos in this project series are going to be straight out of the camera, adjusted for size only so they don’t take up massive space on the site.

It was such a beautiful day yesterday. I start out my non-goal-oriented sessions in black and white, often, but then I transition to color.

Photography is much more than a hobby to me. Some days it is a lifeline. I can be in a horrible mood and when I am in a bad mood, I assign negative feelings to everything around me. The act of taking pictures allows me to both document the feeling I had in the moment and it simultaneously allows me to separate the negative feeling from the object or being I am photographing. It is difficult for me to explain but that is the best way I can put it. Photography really is a tool in my self-care.

I was in a pretty crummy mood yesterday and when I am in a bad mood I lay around a lot. The top of the couch is probably Trixie’s favorite perch but the dogs also seem to like to be close to me when I am exuding negativity. I was playing with depth of field in this shot. The focus was meant to be on my shoe here, but in some photos in the same series the focus was on the curtain in the background.
Last night was a great outing to the park. Going down the slides is new to Oliver, as he has recently conquered his fear of slides. He was all about independent exploration last night and for the most part, we let him explore on his own. Turns out this boy is a climbing rough and tumble boy just like his big brother Liam. He idolizes Liam and wants to be just like him. In this respect he already is. I love this playground for photo purposes because of the equipment colors. Our family calls this playground “the colorful playground.”