I signed up for Camp NaNoWriMo. I have no idea what made me do it. I am not really a writer.
I still dream of the popular blog, though, and I do like to write, so I figured, what the h*ll. Not that my writing project there will have anything to do with blog content. It won’t be related. I will never look to publish. I set a lower-than-normal word-count goal for myself in hopes of actually finishing this time. We’ll see what happens.
I am looking for a distraction from photography. I love writing even though most of what I do is stream-of-consciousness, so Camp NaNo it is.
I still look for happiness as a destination instead of a process. I know that is not the healthy approach. I do it anyway.
I hoped establishing the photography business would do something for my happiness levels. It did very briefly and I am happy to have the weddings under my belt that I’ve done (three, two solo with the second’s edits *this close* to being done), but it certainly wasn’t the cure-all I wished for. I know the cure-all doesn’t exist.
I know the cure-all doesn’t exist. But I still seek it at every turn.
I still try to break into the mold I set out for myself when I was young, the working and doing it all type-mom. It’s not who I am and everyone around me but me is okay with that fact.
Through therapy I know why this is. I don’t care to re-hash it here– that wouldn’t be productive.
Suffice it to say that I have a witching hour, which is 8:30 or 9 PM. I am up and blogging well past that witching hour tonight. Here’s to hoping sleep comes soon and that I am able to respond to my alarms when the wake me up in the morning. I have got to get back into some type of healthy routine.